Three Ways to Make Communication Safe So People Will Talk To You

Date: 2008-11-19 14:12:25

By maureen collins

How often have you made decisions only to find out that you were missing critical information? Have you ever jumped to the wrong conclusion because you did not have all the facts? How many times have you thought you had commitment to a plan only to be told, much later, that everyone else had reservations?

Poor decisions, incorrect assumptions and action plans that do not produce action are the inevitable result of conversations in which people do not speak up and information is not properly shared.

The bottom line is that people only speak up when they feel it is safe to talk. There are many factors that cause people to feel unsafe in conversations, some of which you cannot control.

If you are a senior person in your organisation; if you are known to be the technical expert in your field; if you have authority to make decisions that have consequences for others; then in many situations you will find that people will be reluctant to speak up to you.

You can however control the way you behave in conversations and whether you create a safe space in which others feel able to speak up. Some behaviours set a tone that make it very difficult for people to speak up.

Are you behaving in any of these three ways that may be causing people around you to hold back when they are talking to you?

1. You think you have all the answers!

For most of our lives we are rewarded when we get the answers right. As we grow older, become more experienced and hold more senior jobs, we get used to being paid and promoted for getting it right.

It can be hard to accept that when you go into a difficult conversation, believing that you have all the facts actually prevents you getting to the bottom of the problem. When there are several sides to a story you must make others feel safe in speaking up with their facts, their opinions and their feelings about the situation.

Do not operate as a know-it-all, no matter how experienced and skilled you may be. It merely serves to shut others down. Put effort into being curious. Ask people for their input and listen without interrupting as they give it to you. When you do it well, you will be amazed to find out what you did not know.

2. You blame and accuse!

When people feel blamed and accused, their natural reaction is to defend themselves. They start to focus on protecting themselves, not on sharing what they know or think. When we feel strongly about the rights and wrongs of a situation, or when we feel someone has done us wrong in some way, our accusation comes across as much in the way that we speak as in what we say.

Our eyes seem larger and darker, our hands wave, and fingers point. Voices become loud, their pitch rises, we might even shout. We stand when we should be sitting. All of these non-verbal signals convey accusation.

If your intention is to find out what happened, as opposed to accusing someone of doing wrong, then you have to be aware of what you say, and even more importantly, how you say it. If the person hears an accusation, you have little chance of hearing exactly what happened or why.

3. You assume you know what people think!

You can never know what is going on in the head of another person. No matter how well you know someone, you can never know exactly why they behaved in a certain way. When you second guess the intentions of others, you make it very difficult for them to speak up with their own input.

It can be hard to keep an open mind, especially when you feel wronged. However, sometimes you have to decide whether to go with your own interpretation of a situation or to find out how others see it and why they behaved as they did. Learn to ask: Why, and then listen without judgment to the answers.

When you deal with facts openly; when you avoid blame and accusation; and when you do not assume you know the intentions of others, you will find out much more about what is going on around you. That gives you a better chance of getting to the bottom of problems and finding solutions.

You may have to decide if it is more important to be right or to fix it!


Author

Maureen Collins has a B.Sc. degree in Psychology from Edinburgh University and over 25 years of consulting experience. She consults in communication in the workplace. In Straight Talk, she trains people how to handle difficult conversations, on difficult topics, with difficult people. Get free Straight Talk Tips. http://www.straight-talk.co.za. This articles came from MoreArticles.net.


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